You really coming over, don't trick.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
