I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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