Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
