so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
two words...techno handjob
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
