there's paper in my vomit.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
