That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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