I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
