That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
