I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
