i think my tv is drunk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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