Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
