Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
