And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
