every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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