Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Farmville is her only friend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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