dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
