i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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