Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
