FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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