It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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