Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
