..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
