airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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