Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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