so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
