im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
