wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
