I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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