I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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