I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
