Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
