Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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