there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
