Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
