Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
