The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
