I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
