I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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