Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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