I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Houston, we have a squirter
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
