ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
