woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Let's get the cat blown out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
