U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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