Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
