he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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