Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
