I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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