I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
