So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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