smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
