He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
