And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
