dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
