ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
