if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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