I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't deserve a penis
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
